Wizards, Witches, and Weapons?
by ZTheIncomplete
Summary: Soul doesn't like Hogwarts much. The reasons just keep piling up too. Ratings subject to change. -Crack story-
1. Do We Look Like Cousins?

**AN: Crack story written on the fly! AU in that it takes place after EVERYTHING that's happened in both of them and ignores EVERYTHING I can't remember and also no one is dead. And the HP kids are in their seventh year making them..18ish? And the SE kids are 18ish too. Because yeah.. So don't take anything that is mentioned as past events as accurate. Actually, take nothing in this seriously. Pairings are as follows:**

**SoulxMaka, KidxMaka, KidxLiz, KidxLizxPatti, MakaxBooksxHermione, Soul's ScarxHarry's Scar, Black*StarxMirror, , RonxHermione, ShinigamixDumbledor, LizxWes**

_**Yeah..I know.**_

_**Chapter 1  
**_"_**Do we look like cousins?"**_

It was a well known fact that Soul "Eater" Evans did _not_ like his last name. Only the teachers and his close friends knew he even had a last name. Even fewer, Maka and Liz only, knew he was one of _those_ Evans. Maka knew, of course, because she had met his family once, right after they became partners. Liz knew because she was _madly _in love with Soul's older brother and had put two-and-two together.

What had first tipped her off was the way his face was shaped. The Evans men all looked very similar and even though Soul looked a lot like his mother, this was true for him as well. Soul had inherited his silvery hair and naturally tanned skin from his mother but he had the trademark Evans red eyes. Not a single blood Evans had any other eye color. Also, the whole 'I can play piano' thing just set things in stone. However, the demon gun didn't let his secret slip. If anyone knew about not wanting to live up to the family name, it was her.

And so here he was, standing in the common room of some weird ass school he's being forced to go to, introducing himself as none other than 'Soul Eater Evans'. He would have just said 'Soul Eater' but Maka promised him something special if he included his last name. 'Something special' usually meant a good dinner or something platonic like that but not tonight. She had _that_ look on her face. The kind of look that was closer to slut and further from bookworm. Not that Soul ever _thought_ of Maka as a slut. He couldn't think of her like, no matter how suggestive she looked at him.

Suddenly, a hush fell over the room. Little murmurs of _Evans? That Evans? _broke out after the momentary silence. Soul's entire body tensed up. _Shit. This can't be happening. ._ He knew he shouldn't have gone last. He should have gone in the middle. People never remember stuff in the middle. Stupid Maka and her stupid slutty looks messing up his head. The scythe snapped out of his silent freak out when a tall, lanky boy approached him. Two other teenagers, one with red hair and the other with bushy brownish hair. _Oh fucking shit, fans._

"You're last name is Evans?" Asked the first one. Soul was slightly unnerved by the weird excited look the kid had on his face.

"What of it?" Soul eyed the kid curiously.

The boy made a face somewhere between a grimace and a smile. "It was my mum's maiden name." He paused for a second. "Maybe we're cousins!" Soul's eyes widened and then snorted loudly, the group around them giving him weird looks.

"Me and you cousins?" He laughed again. "Do we look like cousins?" They had almost totally opposite features. White hair versus black, red eyes versus green, tan skin versus pale. "Seriously kid.." He grumbled. He was about to turn and make his way to his room when the bushy haired girl grabbed his arm. Soul had to beat back a grin when he felt Maka's jealousy like a whip crack through the bond. The scythe turned ever so slowly to the girl, "Yes?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "How do you know you aren't? Just because you look different-" She stopped talking when he jerked his arm out of her grip. Soul turned fully before rolling his eyes. She simply responded by huffing. It reminded him of Maka, kind of.

"Ain't no Evans ever had green eyes. At least not the ones I'm related to."

"So you aren't an albino or something?" The red haired kid finally spoke up. Soul wanted to slice them all up, each and everyone of them. He _hated_ when people thought he was albino. Albinos are cool, sure, but they don't have tan skin. He's tanner than everyone except Black*Star and that kid practically lives in the sun. Plus, he was dying to _eat_ one of them. His name is Soul _Eater_ after all.

But his beloved meister makes a retort before he can. "Albinos can't be tan. Now, we are jet lagged and it would be nice to rest for a bit. If you have anymore questions, we will be in our rooms." She gave a small bow, "Thank you and please excuse my partner." Only she could chastise someone and be nice about it all at once. Well, maybe Tsubaki and Marie too but that's another story. With that she turned and grabbed his hand, her fingers lacing with his. She gave him a small smile.

Looks like he was still getting 'something special'.

**AN: Next chapter will be longer, I promise. And will have interrupted 'something special' times. And get your heads out of the gutter. It's not sexy fun times. Close but it's not.**


	2. Are We Interrupting Something?

_**Chapter 2:**_

"_**Are we interrupting something?"**_

The meisters and their partners shared rooms in the Gryffindor tower. They remained with their partners because it seemed safer that way. (And Kid complained that Soul and Black*Star would keep him up all night and have no respect for his symmetry.) So we begin with Soul stretched out on his nicely made bed, watching his meister strip. "Is this my special surprise? Sex? Because if it is, I don't have _anything_." Anything, meaning of course, protection. Not that they had ever _done_ anything.

Maka gave him a dirty look before throwing her shirt at him. "Shut up, I just didn't want to walk all the way to the bathroom just to change. You could be a gentleman and not watch." Soul sat up a little, leaning on his elbow and threw her shirt on her bed. Maka glared at him defiantly and threw her bra at him, flushing at his hungry gaze.

"Why would I want to do that? You're givin' me a free show." He examined her bra for a minute before grinning at her. "Look at you! It says B-C right here on this little bra." Maka whipped around from her suitcase to tackle Soul, trying to get the bra away from him before he could embarrass her more. Soul took a deep breath suddenly, startling Maka out of her desperate attempt to get the bra.

She looked down slowly only to find her partner staring at her, his entire face the same color as his pretty red eyes. One of her breast is about an inch from his mouth. Part of her wanted to lean forward and another part wanted to run very far away. She did the next closest thing and jumped off the bed. She quickly jerked one of Soul's old shirt's over her head. "Sorry." She's not sure what she's sorry for but it really doesn't matter.

Her scythe dropped himself back onto the bed with a rather loud thunk. He groaned and rubbed his eyes furiously with the heels of his hands. Soul tossed the bra somewhere while they were fighting, it seemed, as Maka isn't sure where it has gone. Maka grabbed Soul's wrists and pulled them away from his eyes. "Take off your shirt." Cue her partner looking at her confusedly. "I'm going to give you a massage, pervert."

Soul snorted, "Tease." He then pulled his shirt over his head and flung it on the floor. He'll pick it up later, he's too excited right now to care about the state of their room. He happily rolled over, ignoring the weird feeling he gets from the mattress against his _problem_. He _loves_ massages, almost more than food. Especially when it's Maka doing it. Being a meister means knowing where joints, muscles, and nerve points are and her hands are really strong. It's an amazing combination.

After grabbing Soul's favorite lotion, Maka straddled him, settling on his butt. She purposely puts more pressure than necessary, causing him to gasp and whimper beneath her. She only let up when she leaned forward to begin her work. As another bit of punishment for being a jerk/pervert, she put the cold lotion directly onto his back. So far, this is the least enjoyable massage Soul has ever had. He's going to have to remember not to piss her off next time.

Finally, she gets back into the grove and Soul vowed to be her little bitch for the rest of the night. Her hands are working magic on his lower back when someone knocks on the door. Soul mumbled little curses as Maka bounced her way to the door. "Who is it?" Soul is about to ask why she isn't using her soul perception but then he remembered that she said it had been bothering her. The kids at the school had _weird_ souls or some shit like that.

"Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger." Ah, the kids from before. Before Soul could feign sleep, Maka opened the door. When the three see the other two's state of undress, their eyes widen. The red haired boy, however is the only to point it out. "Are we interrupting something?" Maka wanted to bash his head with her book but she stills her twitching hand.

"Oh no, we were getting ready for bed. May I ask why you are here?" She kindly moved to let them in, directing them to the small couch and arm chair that were placed in their room before perching on Soul's bed. Soul sat up slowly, giving up on pretending to be asleep. Maka gives him a small smile before turning back to the other three.

The girl sits on the couch with the red haired boy before speaking, "My name is Hermione Granger and we just wanted to ask you some questions. Your room was the closest to the common room." She elbows the red haired boy before sitting up straighter.

The red haired boy grumbles, "Name's Ron Weasley." Soul kind of wants to ask what kind of name _that_ is but he opts not too. Not with Maka sitting so close to him. Ron looks at Hermione, "She dragged me here. I jus' wanted sleep." Soul thinks he might have found a new best friend.

Then that weird green eyed kid decides to talk, "I'm Harry Potter." Soul just nods absentmindedly, before realizing that Harry is _staring_ at his chest. Now he's cool with gay people but it weirds him out when they hit on him. It doesn't cross his mind that Harry is looking at the long jagged scar he had gotten from Chrona. "Where'd you get that scar?"

Soul deadpans, "A sword." The three seem not to believe him but he doesn't want to talk about it. Maka is fidgeting and he knows it's still hard for her to talk about it, even though it was almost six years ago. Hermione looks at him skeptically before leaning forward. "Look, I ain't going to talk about it. Ask about the school all you want but I ain't talking about my scar." He punctuates his distaste by rolling over and pulling the blanket over his head.

"I'm sorry about that. It's a touchy subject for the both of us but I'll be glad to answer any other questions you may have about our school!" Maka fakes a grin that looks _almost_ real before clapping her hands together. Her smile, however, turns real when the other girl pulls out a notebook and a quill.

"Where to start?"

**AN: Sorry for switching tenses. Past wasn't working for me. LOOK! It's longer this time! Why does Hermione have a notebook? Because she's got muggle parents and keeps it with her **_**just**_** in case. Plus I think it'd be weird to carry around a scroll for taking..notes..during an interview thing. Poor Soul, he can't catch a break can he? **

**Should this be rated M? I don't know.**

**Read and review and I'll love you forever!**

**And it makes me want to update faster.**


	3. I Want To Eat You

_**Chapter 3:**_

"_**I want to eat you."**_

"What, exactly, are weapons and meisters?" Hermione asks when she finally figures out what she wants to ask. She likes the girl, Maka. They are kindred souls it seems. Surrounded by stupid boys and more clever than all of them combined. At least Maka had several other female companions. She only had Ginny and at times, Luna.

Maka taps her chin as she thinks, formulating the best way to explain it. "Well, like your kind, we are humans. It's genetics, really, that decide what you are. There are actually two genes that determine if you are a weapon, a meister, or neither. The first dictates weather you can control a soul wavelength, the second dictates how you control it. Both genes are recessive so both meisters and weapons are pretty rare. Our friend, Tsubaki, comes from a long line of weapons. Both of her parents are weapons and so was her brother." Maka bits her lip for a second, glad Tsubaki isn't there. "However, my partner, Soul, comes from a family of 'normal' humans. It was just luck that there was enough of the gene for Soul to inherit it." The meister stops to take a breath and notices all three boys are giving her very confused looks but Hermione looks like she understands it to some extent.

When the witch is done jotting down notes, she asks her next question, "What about a weapon and a meister having a child?" Maka seems to sit up a little at this one.

"Well, my mother was a meister and my father was a weapon. I didn't inherit the weapon gene, only the meister gene but I am naturally more capable with scythes like Soul because my father was a scythe." She gives a sidelong look to her partner for a second before looking back at the witch. "There, of course, could be more to it than that but it's all I know."

Hermione gives a curt nod before jotting something else down. "So weapons turn into legitimate weapons?" She opens her mouth to say something more but is cut off by Ron.

"So like you turn into metal and stuff?" Ron raises a skeptical eyebrow at the white-haired boy who is glaring at him from under the covers of the bed.

Soul grins, shark teeth flashing dangerously, "Why yes, yes I do." He sits up, raising his left arm above the covers. There was a flash of whitish-blue light and from his left forearm, there was a red and black blade. "Can also make them. Comes with being a death scythe."

"A death scythe?" Hermione questions, looking at the lethal looking blade. She _kind_ of wanted to touch it. Would it be warm like skin or cold like metal generally was? She then noticed Maka's uneasy gaze. "What is a death scythe?"

Maka sighs, "A death scythe is the highest title a weapon can have. A death scythe is usually Lord Death's own personal weapon but Soul is still in training so he is staying with me. One achieves death scythe rank when they gather 100 souls."

Before she can stop Soul, he happily chimes in, "99 evil souls and one witch's soul. In that order. The witch's soul is the most important you know." He grins darkly when the three look at him with wide eyes, "Be glad I've already gotten mine." He licks his lips slowly, "I want to eat you."

If Maka didn't know better, she would have thought her partner was being serious. He was a very good actor when he wanted to be. She glares at him before turning back to the three perplexed magical students, "He's being stupid, ignore him. He gets a sick pleasure out of scaring people." Soul snorts loudly before hunkering down under the blankets again. "The witches we hunt are evil and being hunted for their crimes, the same as the evil humans we hunt."

Hermione gives Maka a funny look, "Only witches? No wizards?" Maka scrunches up her face suddenly, deep in thought.

"Ya know, I've never heard of a wizard being hunted…" She trails off, the look of confusion still on her face until she yawns. The excitement of the day has finally worn off and all Maka's brain wants to think about is going to sleep soon. "Do you have anymore questions?" The meister sincerely hopes they don't. There's a warm bed under neither her butt and she'd like to kick Soul out of it soon.

"Not any that can wait. We ought to go to bed too, we have classes in the morning." Hermione and the boys rise to leave. "Thank you for being so kind to us. I hope you enjoy your stay in our humble school." She turned to leave and they all exited the room.

Soul sighs dramatically, pulling Maka under the covers with him. "Too tired to move." He grumbles when Maka tries to kick him out of the bed. "Suck it up and go to sleep." He slides an arm around her waist and traps her in the bed. He's asleep before Maka can protest so she settles into sleeping too. The sound of Soul's heart and his body heat lull her into sleep before she can change her mind.

The second Soul feels Maka's breathing slow, he picks up the cell phone next to his bed. He quickly shuffles through the contact list before reaching the one he's looking for. He takes a deep breath before pecking out a message and sending it. Once he knows it has been sent, he turns off his phone and tries to fall asleep.

It doesn't come easily.

* * *

"_So nice to see you again, little brother." Wes reached out to touch his brother's hair only to have Soul flinch away. Like his brother, he's rather good at hiding his emotions so his hurt isn't noticed. "I didn't expect to see you here." He made no move to go near his brother again. If Soul wanted space, he could give him that. They were never a touchy feely family but Wes felt he needed to let Soul know he missed him somehow. Oh well, respecting his little brother's wishes would have to do._

_The scythe leaned his head against the wall, "Yeah well," He looked at Wes, "Shit happens." He's not in the mood to deal with Wes or his overbearing big brotherness. "Look, Wes, I need a favor." He felt pathetic asking his brother for this but he didn't have anyone else to ask. It was a dire situation indeed._

_Wes raised an eyebrow, "What do you need? I'll help if I can." He was telling the truth, even as children, Soul never relied on him. It was nice to indulge in his weird protective tendencies. Soul shifted around nervously._

"_I, um, I'm coming to England, for a mission soon." He looked at Wes for a second before looking down. "I've got this friend I want you to meet…"_

_

* * *

_

Wes blinked rapidly when he heard his phone chime. Who would be texting him this late at night? Didn't they know he had a concert tomorrow. He flips it open and beats down his initial surprise. If he had been more awake, he would have figured out who it was the second he got it but sleep makes you slow.

From: Soul  
We'r in Ngland

The violinist smirks at his little brother's text message. It amuses him for some reason. He contemplates texting back but he's sure Soul is probably sleeping or trying to. At least one of them is considerate of the other's sleeping patterns. He'll text him after the concert, maybe before. Whatever, he wants to sleep and so he does.

**AN: Sorry about being late. I had to babysit today. Don't ask where this is going. I'm not sure anymore. I didn't plan on adding Wes to the story at all(except in mention), until about an hour ago. I always figured Soul and Wes have a weird relationship. Like Wes wants to smother Soul with his big brother lovingness but he respects Soul too much to do so. And Soul envies Wes too much to accept any form of affection from him even though he kind of wants too.**

**Whatever.**

**Special thanks to 2random4words and 777angeloflove for reviewing.  
I love reviews.  
A lot.  
I've said it before...  
I'm a review whore. **


	4. Not Taken But Not Available

_**Chapter 4:**_

"_**Not taken and not available."**_

Waking up next to Maka was awesome. Waking up because Black*Star is screaming bloody murder through your door is _not_ awesome. "DAMMIT YOU TWO, WAKE UP AND EXPERINCE MY GODLINESS!" Soul groans into his pillow when Maka sits up. "WAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUP!" Maka curses when she opens the door.

"WE ARE UP!" She screams at Black*Star, whose eyes widen. "Let us get dressed, okay?" Black*Star yells something obscene about what Maka and Soul may or may not have been doing. The scythe meister rolls her eyes as she gets dressed, ignoring Soul, who is watching her again. "Get dressed Stupid." Soul gives her a shit-eating grin before stripping down.

"Don't watch," He smirks, "Pervert."

* * *

The tables are amazing, Soul thinks as he watches them magically fill with food. Maka elbows him when he challenges Black*Star to an eating contest. "We're here to foster good relations between our schools. Stop being idiots." She says. Soul and Black*Star snort before whispering conspiratorially to each other.

It's then that Soul remembers his text to his brother. He seriously doubts Wes has texted him back. Nothing ever seems to be important enough for any Evans member to respond to immediately. That's what servants are for. This school is bringing back too many memories.

Soul ignores it in favor of watching his friends talk to the students. Maka and the Hermione girl are talking animatedly about going to the library after the witch finishes her classes. Liz is flirting with some random guy while Kid looks on in distaste. Tsubaki is trying to keep Black*Star from fighting with that Ron guy and Patti is being Patti. Soul's not really _sure_ what she's doing. He's never really sure.

Patti stops building a wall with her bacon and suddenly looks at Soul. It startles him a little bit. "Hey Soul~" He raises his eyebrow in question and the demon gun giggles. "Do you have a crush on anyone?" It's a random question for sure and it catches Soul off guard.

The scythe thinks for a minute before shrugging, "Not sure if you'd call it a crush." She gives him a funny look and he shrugs again, going back to his food. "Don't worry about it. Worry about _your_ crush., kay?" The girl blushes darkly and turns to finish her bacon wall. Soul grinned and finished his food.

Sometime during breakfast, the meisters decided that they could do with some training. Kid got the clear to train out by the lake. So when everyone was done eating they changed into more appropriate clothing. Soul was currently leaning up against a random tree, his headphones securely fitted on his head. He is taking a break while the meisters spar.

Liz sits next to him heavily, her head dropping to his shoulder. "Sou-l." She whines, pulling on his headphone. He's about to chastise her for annoying him when his phone goes off. _Of course Wes would text when I'm sitting next to his biggest fan. Of. Freaking. Course._

He fishes out his phone while giving one of the headphones to Liz. She leaves him alone in favor of flipping through his MP3 player, looking for something she likes. The scythe sighs, flipping open the phone.

From: Him

I was sleeping you know. It's not nice to wake people up. Just got out of a concert. What are you doing? Want me to call later?

The scythe sighs deeply, fumbling around so he's laying with his head in Liz's lap. "Sorry, wasn't comfortable." He mumbles when she gives him a funny look. He then continues to stare at his text message for a minute or so before replying.

To: Him

Im wth my fking friend. Yeh, call l8r

From: Him

Your fucking friend? Soul, you shouldn't be sleeping with your friends.

To: Him

Shes my friend we dont fuck

From: Him

Sure you don't ;D

To: Him

Shes got the hots for you

From: Him

You'd work if she got desperate enough. Hey wait, is this the friend you were talking about? I'm not going to sleep with her. Not a pedo.

To: Him

Asshole. And that's none of your biznes. Plus she's like. Almost 20.

From: Him

;D Bet you like the older ladies.

To: Him

Fuck u

Soul decided to turn off his phone when his brother started spamming him with less than three text messages. Wes could be annoying like that sometimes. He wondered if giving his brother his phone number was a smart idea. Sure he did miss him but he didn't miss him so much that he was okay with spam hearts. And who spam messages hearts anyways?

Liz looks at Soul with a quirked eyebrow but he just rolls his eyes and settles back to listen to whatever song has decided to come on the music player. She shrugs and leans back to nap until it's her turn to fight.

Its some time later when they both wake up (due to being poked by Patti), that they realize it's almost lunch time. When they reach the Great Hall, the three from the night before quickly found them, ushering them over. "How was training?" Hermione asks as soon as they are in range. Maka begins to animatedly talk to her about how she beat Black*Star by tricking him. To which Black*Star immediately begins denying, saying he was going easy because she was a girl (which we all know _isn't_ true). Soul grumbles and sits next to his meister, he's tired of this place already.

He's picking at his food dejectedly when two boys approach the table. He ignores them until he hears them ask his meister a rather _personal_ question. "Are you _taken_?" It's said with a grin that clearly belies his intentions with the girl. Maka grins prettily and Soul is suddenly frightened she'll go with the guy or something. He feels her leg press against his a second before she responds.

"I'm not taken but I'm not _available." _Soul decides, in that moment, that he is going to be a little less of a jerk to her for the rest of their stay. The boys look at each other and shrug before walking away. Maka informs Soul that they are going to the library later and he is to come as well. He gives a little nod before eating again, grin plaster all over his face.

**AN: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG D:  
I got distracted..by Grand Fantasia..  
And my rp site..  
And life..  
****Sorry  
D:  
OKAY, now onto the rest of my author's note. This chapter is a little short. Also, Wes is annoying. I spam my little brother with heart texts all the time. I've made an rp site but it's very much in progress. I don't have an actual _concept_ for it but I've got the stats worked out! *shot*  
Now go review. **


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